One simply cannot win. Why do I even bother?

Note - I would make this "un-boring", but I see no point. I've already chopped huge parts out of it purely for the sake of not offending people. To be honest though, this is merely what I am thinking and I frankly don't give a monkeys whether it entertains you or not.
These are still early blogging days for me, nobody is really reading and I doubt that will change - that's how the world works: Right circumstances and you're loved, even if you have no talent, no organisation and none of your own opinions. But enough of that, down to business. My life... Dayum, it can suck...

If you've talked to me before, you'll know I'm big on charity, and I plan to co-found one. This world has many, many imperfections - and I want to fix some. I see the issues facing society through a unique, autistic lens - one that so commonly comes back to haunt me. All I have to do to make myself a completely depressed insomniate for nights on end is to think up a new problem, perspective or case of douchebaggery.

I've done things in the past that I regret to no end, but they're in the past and I cannot go and change them. Since I claimed back my own mind from the selfish fool that was controlling it, I've vowed to spend the rest of my life helping others. I weigh decisions on morality - who will benefit the most, and to what degree? So, I want to visit LEDC's (poor countries) or war-ravaged regions and carry out humanitarian work. Scratch that, I will do humanitarian work in deprived areas. I don't care if I rarely or never see my loved ones, I don't care if it puts my life in danger, and I don't care if I have to live in squalor. I will do it - the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. That is my philosophy and mindset, and it will not change.

I love a girl, I mean, I really love a girl. We've been together for 2 years, which at my ripe young age shows just how much she means to me. While I rightly do adore her, she is unfortunately less philosophical than myself. She wants a 'normal', domestic kind of life. She says she's fine with me sodding off for long periods of time, but I know she isn't. Hell, she's too blumming normal to even let me talk to other girls without getting jealous. When I leave for Kenya (initial preference, by the way), she's going to leave me. It's set in stone, and there's sod all I can do about it. It will tear me up, I will love her for the rest of my life and I will regret leaving forever. That doesn't mean I won't go - I feel it is my duty.

Even now, I have a hobby of talking to people from other cultures online, and my girlfriend gets jealous, stroppy, and she plays emotional blackmail on me. I do know she loves me, but I can't stand this. I hate to be held back. What can I possibly do?

Because I know what's going to happen my judgement is being severely impeded, not just over decisions regarding my humanitarian future, but all across my life. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I guess this is becoming an obsession. I had a really bad year in '09, and it's changed me. It's been a slow process, but I've noticed it. I don't eat as much, I stay up while 4am daily, I don't do anything physical. All I do is think. Think, think, think. I dwell on too much too often, and it's ripping me to shreds. I mean, I don't enjoy anything anymore. When somebody does something fun I just think of it as immature and whine like a brat. I've lost the majority of my friends, and I find myself not caring anymore.

Things are really getting to me aswell. Large corporations, fickle people and fascists are my current pet-hates. Oh, and footballers. "I'm not playing anymore cos you only pay me £150,000/week! I deserve way more than that! Also, I have big ears and a bald head!". Three guesses as to who that is; Yenoor Enyaw.

I can't even remember what I've already said. I'm pathetic. No I'm not, most of you are. Other nations are worse than the UK for it, but I have to use my example. David Cameron, why is money that could be spent to save several African or South Asian familes from disease and malnutrition being spent on some bone-idle chav so he can buy his daily six-pack of lager? It aint right. People in the developed world have too much, that's how we get Chavs and snobs. People in the undeveloped world have too little, that's how they get Malnutrition, Aids and Malaria among other things. Balance out the equation and... Win! Well, not really, but a little better...

Even though I'm to donate my life to charity I will make little difference to the worldwide situation. Sometimes I feel like it's pointless me even trying with anything. For God's sake, I can't even talk to anyone I know about what I'm thinking for fear I'll make things awkward. If there's any comment you'd like to make about anything I say, please make a Google account and comment on the post.